I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
