dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
