you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
