I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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