gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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