I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
