right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
