Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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