Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
