Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize