He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
