Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
These tits shall not be calmed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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