I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
