I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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