he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
