dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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