My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
