I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
