You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
