I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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