My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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