shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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