why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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