We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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