apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
