Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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