I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
