So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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