Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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