id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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