I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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