My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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