my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
