Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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