Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize