The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
