He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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