Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even my farts smell like vagina
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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