there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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