Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
