Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize