90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
