I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
