just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
