i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
