thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
