Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
