come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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