Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize