did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
