Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
