Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
