That's intense
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
