Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
