yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
