Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
