I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
