The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
