vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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