Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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