I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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