there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
