Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize