She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
