I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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