Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
