Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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