Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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