I haven't been this sober since birth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
