Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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