I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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