it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
