if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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