Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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