we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
