Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
