are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
