he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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