DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
